Or at least that could be one explanation as to why the condom machine in the IH bathroom is empty.
My name is Detective Inspector Stanley Terry Duncan (You can call me D.I. STD for short) and I am here to inform you of my investigation into the absence of condoms in IH bathrooms. These have been my observations so far:
10:00am – Condon machine found to be empty
12:23pm – Condom machine still empty
4:14pm – No condoms present
9:47pm – Fell asleep for an hour only to wake and find … the condom machine still empty
11:59pm – Got my hand stuck in the machine trying to search for condoms. Unfortunately none were found.
You may be wondering why I, Detective Inspector STD, put so much time into investigating the disappearance of condoms in IH bathrooms. I will tell you why, because I love sex.
That is, I love safe sex. And you may ask me how safe sex differs from normal sex. And I would say that during safe sex, contraception is used to prevent the exchange of semen and vaginal fluid between individuals. You may also ask, what is the point of contraception? You may believe as long as you are having sex, who cares about protection.
Aha! You are wrong! I, Detective Inspector STD, am here to tell you that if you do not use protection, all IHers run the risk of getting pregnant. And by all IHers, I mean females only.
GASP! I hear you say you don’t want to get pregnant. Solution: Use contraception You may think that is all.
Guys may think, ‘hey, I can’t get pregnant, so who needs contraception’. True, but you may catch a sexually transmitted disease. OH MY!! Nobody wants an STD (and by the way some are incurable). For example, Chlamydia can lead to infertility and HPV to cancer. I hear you saying you never want to have sex again as you don’t want to get infected?
Solution: Use contraception It scares me to think 39% of sexually active students admit to only using condoms ‘sometimes’. You may have been part one of the 39%. But, thanks to my investigations, you now know how to prevent against pregnancy and STDs.
Solution: Use contraception
Well guys, I think my work here is done. If you need me, you will find all over Melbourne, on the trail of the condom thief (and by that I really mean talking to front officeabout getting the condom machine refilled).
Stay safe in bed guys,
Detective Inspector STD
