Grandma Guidance

Welcome to IH youngens,
We are your resident grandmas here to guide you through your turbulent undergraduate degree.
These answers are completely accurate and peer-reviewed.
*Answers may not be true. We take no liability for your stupidity.

How do I borrow a book?
The staff at the library are very friendly, they enjoy a good carrot tree. Take a carrot that is bendy, bendy to the point that you can shape it into a penis- this must be obtained only while intoxicated and from the CaterCare ‘fruit’ basket. Plant this carrot outside the library in the garden, only then will it grow into a carrot tree rather than a regular carrot-root-thing. Then the resident library gremlin called Potih who can be found next to the printers, will take a ripened carrot and deliver the book that represents the deepest, darkest longing of your heart. For example, one
day Adrian Go was delivered a book on black panthers, much to his chagrin.

What does the MPSR stand for?
My Penis Slants Right
Many People Store Reptiles (it’s normal)
Magic Programme for Students Richmond
Many People’s Sex Room

How do you access the Greycourt music room?
You don’t. It will only open to those who participate in the iconic Royal Park wolf-howl which
takes place on the full moon of every 42 year.

Does the Hilda’s building actually have a dark past?
Well, I’m glad you asked young one, sit down, strap into your boots, and before you read this empty your bladder in case you get a bit too excited. There was once a young boy called Reginald, Reggie for short. Reggie was a Childish, Uneducated, Naughty Troll. He regularly cut the line at meal times, he used many paper cups that went on to kill dolphins and cute puppies, and he also posted aggressive messages on the IH Random Page. He had almost finished the 7 Wonders of IH, his last stop at the Head’s chair proved fatal. For his actions that went against the IH way, the spirit of Heads’ past STRUCK HIM DOWN and bid him to haunt Hilda’s for the rest of ETERNITY. Only those who have forgotten the IH way will meet Reggie in their travels.

What is the lizard master race?
The lizard master -race does not exist. It does not exist. It definitely does not. NO. It doesn’t.
NONONO. CONSPIRACY. There are no lizards here. STOP SEARCHING. STOP IT! Only skin beings
here with delicious toasty blood.

Thank you dearies, Hugs and kisses,

*You may submit any questions or queries you have to the resident IH Grandmas by placing your written morsel
into the submissions box at the back of the dining hall. NO LATE SUMBISSIONS.

Comments are closed.