The Birds, The Bees and Getting Jiggy: Making Chowder with Sailor Ned


Masturbating has tons of social and health benefits. It’s a great way to safely explore your own sexuality, but it’s a topic often neglected in sex ed and when talking about sex. Here’s a few aspects of the whole ‘solo sex’ deal. 

No shame

There’s a lot of stigma surrounding masturbation, even though most men and more than half of all women do it. I’m not advocating for it to be a hot topic at the dinner table, but it’s important that we don’t create a world where people feel shame regarding their sexual desires. Abstaining from masturbation for religious, cultural or other reasons is super cool – it’s great that people have agency over their own sexuality and can make those decisions. However, acknowledging that it’s a healthy, natural and safe way to deal with a biological impulse and have fun is really important for empowering people when it comes to their sexuality.

Health benefits

As we all know, having a little alone time isn’t going to send you blind or sprout hairs out of the palm of your hand as Sunday school matrons from the 1950s would have us believe. There’s even evidence to support that it has a number of health benefits. It can:

  • Release endorphins (which are brain chemicals associated with happy feelings!)
  • Relieve pain by producing the hormone oxytocin
  • Strengthen muscles in the genital and pelvic area (useful for sex, having babies and bladder control)

For women, it can:

  • Reduce period cramps and other menstrual pain
  • Build resistance to yeast infections by keeping that whole ecosystem down there thriving

For men:

  • It keeps sperm healthy by keeping the pipes pumping
  • It reduces the likelihood of prostate cancer by flushing out toxins and other baddies

Improve your sex life

Getting to know yourself a little better can give you a leg-up when it comes to performing ‘in the moment’. It takes the pressure off of those charged situations if you already have a good understanding of how your desires and body works. Plus, you can give a little direction to your partner so they can make it a cool and fun experience for all involved. This is especially important for people who struggle with getting off in sex.

Understanding yourself is the first step towards being able to have fulfilling sexy times with your partner.


Some assorted masturbation euphemisms from the internet to aid you in having cool discussions:

Making chowder with sailor Ned
Gallop the old lizard
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Punch the munchkin
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Slappin’ the mackerel
Spanking your puppy on the nose
Touring Tasmania
Twinklin’ the little star

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