Nicholas Sparks Deserves to be Pickled in his Own Urine and here’s why!

Nicholas Sparks. The author who has managed to make millions of dollars by rewriting the same pathetic characters in different (but very similar situations) and warping people’s perception of romance. His pandering syrupy whitewash heroes are more damaging than E.L James’ perverse version of love. At least Fifty Shades somewhat addresses the issues that oppose it. But why is he the most awful and manipulative writer ever?

Look at our characters below.

Nick Sparks

When Gone With the Wind is more diverse and racially inclusive than a contemporary author, you have a problem!

Lets got through how to write a Nicholas Sparks Story…(kudos to

Firstly, start with two pretty White People.

Secondly, include an obstacle that makes love between them seem IMPOSSIBLE like social status, parents or 9/11.

But, it’s okay because they fall in love anyway, because love isn’t based on usual interests or time or friendship. It’s just based on that one glance or that time you totally emotionally manipulated that chick.

Then something happens. It needs to be completely left of filed, exploitative and a totally disaster that is a trigger to everybody. This disaster makes you forget how forgettable and awful the characters actually are.

Throw in a few sprinkles of God and there you have it.

Let’s take a closer look at Sparks’ most well known love story… The Notebook. The amount of issues that this much loved romance could fill two notebooks. Allie is a rich girl who is ruled by her strict parents and Noah a poor boy without any character who (for some reason) falls in love. He forces Allie to go out with him by threatening to commit suicide. Because that’s romantic. A man who is so manipulative that he will force you to love him. And people say Christian Grey was creepy! After one summer (that’s three months at most) they are obviously totally in love but are ripped away by the overbearing and controlling parents of rich Allie. Poor rich Allie. Poor Noah. They must be the only ones suffering in 1940s/1950s America! Because you know… they have no right to love each other. Barred by social norms and economic barriers. Oh wait…. Do you know who else had no rights during the 40s and 50s? African Americans. Is there any mention of the Civil Rights movement? Are their any black characters? Well actually, there are two. One young jiving boy and one band leader. I tried to Google search an image for both of them but couldn’t really find them. Good on you Sparks! Who needs characters when you can have racist clichés?

Furthermore, he romanticises Alzheimer’s, which is one of the most harrowing diseases of the mind. But don’t let that bother you. You can always just read your life story to the love of your life. She’ll just sit and listen and then die peacefully with you. Where is the scene where she forget how to feed herself? Or speak? Or go to the bathroom? That’s too real for Sparks. He’ll just kill her when she can still manage to put on her makeup and act like a real woman. The amount of pandering and manipulation he is able to squeeze into one novel is incredible.

I haven’t even had time to mention his appalling female characters! Character is the wrong word because they have absolutely no identity other than ‘girl that needs to be won over.’ A fluffy white poodle could stand in for them. It can be bought, petted, led around and taught tricks. Like rolling over and begging! Just like a Nicholas Sparks character. Usually it belongs to someone else, but that’s okay. You can just take it from that person. It might yap, but don’t worry, it won’t be saying anything important. Don’t let your poodle make any decisions of its own or its poor little mind might implode! Or emotions might confuse it.

Next, the egoistical, arrogant sexist man that is Sparks. First… he denounces being a romance novelist saying: “I don’t write romance novels […] Loves stories- it’s a very different genre. I would reject if I submitted any of my novels as romance novels.’”

That is the biggest load of shit I have ever read. He just doesn’t want to be associated with women authors. He is above them because he is a MAN! His work isartistic! He is the true writer of ‘Love’. On top of that Sparks is being sued for racism, anti-Semitism and homophobia! states that the former headmaster of Spark’s Epiphany School for Global Studies (a private school founded by Sparks), Saul Hillel Benjamin alleges that Sparks states that the reason for the lack of black students at the school is that they “can’t do the academic work”. Additionally, he forced Benjamin to “recite his religious beliefs and discuss his Jewish heritage in front of the entire School community, including parents of the student body. The Board stood by and even applauded as a group of vocal parents publicly pilloried Mr. Benjamin with “accusations, insults and threats” over his religious beliefs and their relation to his “Jewish ethnicity.” Benjamin was fired two days later, states Nicholas Sparks has made millions of dollars off fans he has no respect for and by a genre he rejects. He is an egoistical, racist, homophobic author of the #1 New York Times bestseller for 12 books.

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